[Year-End Special] Bonus: Honorary Awards

Ah, I have no idea how I managed to finish writing all 20 posts in time for the new year but I did it! To celebrate, here are some honorary awards, given to special tracks that did not particularly make it on my compilation but deserve a spot somewhere anyways. Enjoy and I hope you have a wonderful new year! Here’s hoping my next update will be soon! 🙂

Best Thirst Anthem (Female): 디홀릭 (D.Holic) – 쫄깃쫄깃 (Chewy)

You already know how thirsty the ladies of D.Holic are just by their group name but, just in case you need proof, “쫄깃쫄깃” is all about the ladies proclaiming their 19+ thirst. The MV is also chock full of blatant sexual imagery. Balls. Lots of them. Blasting on the girls. Need I say more.

Best Thirst Anthem (Male): Jooyoung – Wet

Wet. Wet. I need an umbrella. Damn. Do you need to get the plumbing checked out or…? Also, the description describes this as “Black Music” so this must be legit. Anyways, I chose this over a Jay Park swag single because Jooyoung’s voice makes any listener need an umbrella.

Best Children’s Show Theme Song: Ben – Looby Loo

Looby Loo, a children TV show that teaches kids the way to deal with a breakup: trust a short Korean girl with really cakey makeup who will firstly congratulate you on your misfortune and then proceed to coerce you into getting drunk with strangers (don’t worry about getting caught, she says), buying miniskirts, and not avoiding other guys. Of course, if you do get caught, she will tell you to do the hokey pokey in Korean and “cast a spell on yourself”, most likely with some “magic dust”, so you can feel better.

Best Homewrecker Song: DIA – My Friend’s Boyfriend

All’s fair in love and war right? If you leave your boyfriend for a few minutes to get something to eat then he’s definitely up for grabs during those few minutes. All of the boyfriends out there, beware – DIA is thirsty and will steal you when your partner is not within the vicinity and after they steal you, they will insist that it’s just a secret so keep your mouth shut or our gang will do more than just “play” with you.

Worst Fakeout: NC.A – Vanilla Shake

Teasers are supposed to tease the viewer with a sample of what is to come out of a release. It’s a simple concept but every year, there’s at least one idiot company that puts out a teaser for a non-existent song. Behold, this year’s dummy teaser. High hopes. Empty promises. Where is fierce NC.A? Not in Vanilla Shake. ONLY IN YOUR DREAMS AND FAKE AS HELL TEASERS.

Best Rap Masterpiece: Luhan – Lu

Luhan’s latest rap release is unsurprisingly brilliant. Hailing from the gritty underground rap scene in China, Luhan, or “Lu” as his troop calls him, is renowned for his profoundly genius grasp on the English language and arcane ability to construct such poetic rhymes. Where in American rap music will you find gems such as “put in work like the Renaissance / bend that body like a gumnast” or menacing threats like “come at me I’ll press u like some juice”? Everyone knows that the deer is the most frightening and aggressive animal in existence so it is only natural that Lu uses the deer as his mascot in order to back up his street cred and his threats. Lu may have some haters but all his haters can play his flute because he’s just trying to get everyone in the mood.

 

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